The period of time when you meet someone new and realize you truly like them is incredibly exciting but can also be hard to navigate. By that point, you don’t really know how they communicate best—and you’re a little clueless about how to let them know you’re interested. While it’s always great to put yourself out there and be honest about how you’re feeling, you also want to respect how the other person is feeling and make sure the pace you set for the relationship is right for both of you.
There are plenty of ways that you may be coming on too strong without realizing it. The beginning of any relationship should be easygoing and casual, and by being a little clingy or obsessive, you could end up rushing things and ruining a good thing.
The problem is, sometimes you don’t realize when you’re coming on too strong. And you can blame that on nerves or just being excited about someone you really like. Luckily, there are a few signs that guys will give off that will let you know if you’re moving things too quickly.
He might not respond the way you think to a flirty or sexy text.
Not every guy wants to jump into bed the second after meeting. Guys, like girls, sometimes want to take it slow and really get to know their partner. So if he’s a little lukewarm after your text, or isn’t picking up what you’re putting down, don’t get mad at him for it. Instead, apologize and move on. Something like, “Sorry, I’m just joking around,” and a topic change will go a long way.
He’ll start spacing his general texts further apart.
You might be fond of double-texting (or even triple-texting)—and that’s fine. But if you’ve realized his texts back are getting further and further apart, that could mean that he likes you, but feels a little suffocated by the amount of communication between you. Instead, try planning a date for next weekend and save some of your conversation topics until then.
He may openly tell you he’s not ready for a relationship.
If you come on too strong when he’s not ready for it, he may be scared of what’s going to come after the two of you make it official. Many guys like to have plenty of time to get to know someone before taking on the boyfriend title. If you’re too intense before that even happens, it’s a red flag that you’ll be even worse after the relationship is official.
He might not volunteer the same personal information you do.
Some people are open books—and as far as communication goes, that’s often great. But if you’re saddling him with information about your family squabbles and work dilemmas on the first date and he doesn’t offer up similar stories, he’s thinking you’re oversharing too much, too quickly. Remember, this guy may very well be a stranger. If the relationship grows, there’s plenty of time to get to know each other.
He’ll get a little awkward when you compliment him.
Telling him you love his face, and his hair, and his butt, and that he’s such a sweetheart may make him uncomfortable, especially in public. Everyone likes a compliment, but throwing them all in there at once looks like you’re trying too hard. Instead, make sure you’re being sincere. If he shows up to a date and you like his shirt, tell him you like his shirt and leave it at that. Throwing everything else in there might come off a little frightening.
He might start lying about his whereabouts.
If you think that randomly stopping by his apartment is a good way of flirting, you’re wrong. In this day and age, it’s seen as rude to randomly show up at someone else’s home unannounced unless it’s an actual emergency. If you make a habit out of it, he may feel really uncomfortable and start lying about his daily plans based on your intense behavior.
He’ll cringe when you mention kids or marriage.
Did you just meet him? Then you’ll want to put the future talk on the back burner for now. That important (yet very heavy) conversation should be reserved for a few months of steady dating, to make sure the two of you are on the same page. Meeting someone on the first date and blurting out your plans is almost intimidating, and makes it seem like you’re in it for the biological baby and not for the possibility of love and partnership.
He’ll keep rescheduling your next date.
It’s not that he doesn’t like you, it’s just that he knows it might be a tiresome night. That, or he’s hoping that with enough cancelations, you may be the one to end things with him first. He’ll think that maybe a few reschedules, you’ll lessen the intensity on how much you seem to like him and cool down a little bit.
Just remember—guys like to feel liked and don’t wan to play games, but it’s very easy to go overboard. This guy isn’t Prince Charming—he’s simply someone you happen to share a few interests with. By taking the relationship slowly, you’ll be able to build a strong foundation with each other and learn to appreciate each other in a natural way.