It can be a shock to find yourself in your forties, and newly single again. Maybe you thought you’d be with your ex forever, and you never saw this coming. Maybe you thought you’d have found your person by now, but for whatever reason, you haven’t. Or maybe you’ve been dating for a while now, and you’re struggling to find someone great.
Either way, being single in your forties is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s not as daunting or difficult as it may seem. You’re not alone. And if you’re ready to meet someone new, there are plenty of great singletons out there who are excited to meet you too!
40 and Single? How To Meet Someone Amazing
If you’ve not yet tried online dating, this is the best place to start when you’re 40 and single. Especially if hanging out in bars and clubs isn’t your thing anymore, and your single social circle has shrunk over the past few years.
It may be a whole new world to you that didn’t exist the last time you were dating, but don’t panic. It’s not as scary once you’ve got a few matches, and sent your first few messages.
If you consider yourself technologically challenged, then ask someone you trust to help you out and get your profile set up. It can be fun to start this process with a friend or family member by your side.
Make an effort
When you’re in your 20s, you can get away without trying very hard and there can be a lot of game playing. But as you get older, putting in effort becomes much more important – for both sexes.
You don’t know what the ex-partners of the people you’re dating would have been like. They may have been used to gender equality in their relationships; with both people putting in equal effort when it comes to planning things, taking care of the kids, and looking after the home. The dating game today is quite different from what it was 20 years ago!
Nobody likes to be the one putting in all the effort, so be sure to show them you’re willing to meet them halfway.
Know what you want (but don’t get hung up on it)
When you find yourself 40 and single, you have had enough life experience to what you want. Your past experiences may have accumulated baggage, but you can use this insight to your advantage. Divorces, exes, children, and so many different experiences give you invaluable wisdom and knowledge about yourself and what you value in relationships.
So while it’s important to not be rigid with a list of requirements, it’s also important to know what you want and what’s a deal-breaker for you. Don’t just settle – you deserve a partner that meets your important needs and desires.
Are you okay if they travel a lot for work?
Do you mind if they have children?
Are you looking to start a family?
Don’t box yourself in and be unwilling to compromise on what you want, because you might end up missing someone amazing. For example, just because they aren’t as tall as you’d like, it doesn’t mean you should write them off. Be willing to be flexible and see where that can take you.
Open your heart
If you reach 40 without having had your heart broken, you’re one of the lucky ones. And if you have had a bad experience, it can cause you to close your heart. But if you want to meet someone new, you have to find a way to be open again.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve may have led to you being hurt in the past, but being vulnerable is key to a healthy, happy relationship. We can’t give or receive love fully if we have our guard up, so try your best to bring it down, and find the courage to open your heart again.
Reclaim your confidence
It’s easy to doubt yourself when you find yourself single at 40. You might be thinking, “what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get my life together? Why is it so easy for everyone else to find love?”.
And I understand where you’re coming from. But throwing yourself a pity party isn’t helping anyone. Sometimes life won’t go as planned, and that’s okay.
So think about what is going great in your life today. Maybe you’re making real progress in your career or your business. Or your kids are doing well in school. Or you’re in a positive habit of working out regularly and eating healthy. High fives for that! You don’t need a partner to feel confident within.
Putting age aside, many of us are in a rush to find love. But you know what they say? You just can’t hurry love. You can show up, make an effort, and do everything right, and you still might be in for a little wait.
Be patient, and trust that you’ll meet someone great when you’re meant to. The right match is out there, waiting to meet you too!