Lesbian Dating Tips: How To Make The First Move

Two women who listened to these lesbian dating tips laughing and flirting while on a date at a bowling alley.

Dating is hard enough as it is—answering your messages, shaving your legs, picking out the perfect outfit, and obsessively checking the restaurant’s menu so you know what to order before you get there. Dating is also super rewarding—dinners that go for hours because the conversation is so good, second rounds of drinks, and, of course, that first kiss. But what if you’re too riddled with anxiety to make the first move?

Leaning in for that end of the night kiss can be tough for anyone—but the nerves are heightened if you’re a woman dating another woman. We don’t have those pesky (but sometimes helpful) gender roles to tell us who should be making the first move. So what is a gal to do?

Follow these steps and you’ll be making out in no time.

Send the first message.
Don’t waste time obsessing over who’s going to message who—or spend hours crafting the wittiest, most charming first message. It’s not that deep. You can just say, “Hey!” From there, try asking your date out sooner than you normally would. I know that sounds intimidating as hell, but you’re better off getting to the date before you have time to be (any more) anxious. It seems forward, but I’ve had a lot of success with, “I think you seem [complimentary adjective] and would love to grab a drink.”

Now you have a date, be decisive.
Pick a trendy cocktail bar. Pick a time. Make a reservation. Set the precedent that you are a confident woman who knows what she wants. If you’re nervous, having the date planned out can relieve some of those jitters. Confidence begets confidence. If you’re comfortable during the dinner, you’ll be ready to make that first move at the end of the night.

Have a pre- date ritual that lets your confidence soar.
Do you feel your sexiest in a bomber jacket and sneakers? Tight leather pants and sky high feels? A blazer and jeans? Whatever you feel your best in, adorn yourself in it, while blasting your favorite music. There’s nothing wrong with a small date pregame if that’s your thing so go ahead and make yourself a cocktail. I personally feel most ready to make the first move when I’m in a tight black dress, thigh high boots, and have just downed a glass of Pinot Grigio while listening to Led Zeppelin.

Compliment her, compliment her, compliment her!
A simple “you look beautiful” as soon as you see her will do. And maybe after a drink or two, a “you’re so sexy” will give you the confidence to make that first move.

Just be yourself. (Seriously!)
You are your most powerful, most sexy, and most alluring when you’re being yourself. It sounds like kindergarten advice but it’s cliché for a reason—so relax, take a deep breath, and speak honestly. You’ll be making that first move in no time.

Admit when you’re nervous.
If you’re nervous, be honest! It’s endearing and cute to tell a lady, “You make me nervous.” Trying to be cool all the time? That’s boring and inauthentic—and totally obvious. My girlfriend says I won her over when I blurted out, “You’re so sexy you make me nervous,” on our second date.

Touch her arm.
“Oh, I love that movie too!” you gush as you lightly touch her arm. Arm touching is subtle but it’s the first step in foreplay, and little touches here and there can go a long way.

Then touch her thigh.
‘I totally agree that it’s a visual masterpiece!” as you grip her thigh. (You got this!)

Pay the bill.
Paying for the bill is just one way to let someone know you’re serious about them, the date, and want to do something nice. So treat her and pay the bill. It lets her know that you’re interested.

Ask permission.
There’s something so vulnerable, respectful, flattering and honest in asking, “Can I kiss you?” Consent is always sexy.

Like so many things in this cruel world, a first kiss can be an anxiety-provoking experience, especially for two women free from any weird heteronormative rules about who should make the first move. While it can be nerve wracking, I also think that uncertainty is the most exciting thing about dating a woman. Be brave, be confident, be sexy. Good luck!

Dayna Troisi

Dayna Troisi is a sex and dating writer whose 200+ essays have been published in Marie Claire, Elite Daily, Allure, and Buzzfeed, among others. 

Daynais proud to be the Managing Editor at GO Magazine, the nation’s most widely read free lesbian publication. She is an unapologetic dyke cyborg princess and is passionate about sexuality, beauty, fashion, Lana Del Rey, and her badass bionic arm. 

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