Breaking up with someone you love, or loved, is hard enough on its own. But, as much as we wished we didn’t care, to see them move on and enter a new relationship can be gut wrenching.
Sometimes this can happen when you’re still not fully over them or the relationship, and with social media and gossip from friends, it can be hard to stop yourself from hearing about and seeing your ex with their new partner.
So how can you deal with your ex moving on? Here are some great tips to help:
Stop stalking your ex on social media.
Most of us spend half our waking moments glued to our phones. What are we doing? Checking apps like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat of course.
The problem is that sooner or later you’re going to end up seeing details about your ex’s new relationship that you probably didn’t want to see. It may feel like you can’t get away from it, but you can. Simply unfollow your ex on EVERYTHING.
Seriously. There is no benefit to staying in touch with this person. And most every app allows you to mute someone if you don’t want them to know you aren’t paying attention. It will be hard to do at first, but this is the best way to move on and give yourself the best chance of healing.
Remind yourself of their imperfections.
When their ex starts dating someone new, many people spend a ton of time analyzing their new partner from every angle and picking out all their imperfections. And let’s be honest, they’re comparing themselves to them. Instead of doing this, try remembering your ex’s imperfections instead.
This is going to help you far more, because you’ll be reminded that this relationship wasn’t healthy and that there are so many people out there who will be a better fit for you.
Saying mean things about someone you don’t even know is only going to fill you with negative energy, and you don’t want to be that bitter person. You’re better than this, so start acting like it.
Give yourself time.
A lot of us struggle after a breakup because we think we should be able to get over someone right away, and then we wonder why we haven’t. The reality is, whether you were the dumper or dumpee, you will have ups and downs, and you need to be patient with yourself during this time.
Give yourself enough time and space to process what’s happened, and don’t be hard on yourself on those blue days. Have some fun things planned to take your mind off it, and remember this too shall pass.
Concentrate on yourself.
When you get out of a relationship, it can feel strange finding yourself alone after being used to being a couple and doing lots of coupley things together. But there’s no better time than now to turn the loss and confusion inwards, and spend some time investing in yourself.
What do you need on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level? How can you fill yourself back up, and begin rebuilding your life? How can you get your confidence back, and show yourself the love that now feels absent in your life?
This is your time to be selfish, have new adventures, and make new memories that will help you forget about all those painful ones.
Focus on what you learned.
This person has become your ex for a reason. The relationship wasn’t right for both of you, and it’s important to reflect back on and look at why that was. What went wrong? Who were you in the relationship? What did you like and dislike about yourself and your ex? What can you do differently next time?
Try avoiding placing the blame directly on your partner, or taking the brunt of it on yourself. Usually both people had their part to play in it, and blaming doesn’t help us learn or grow. When you figure out what went wrong, you can make sure it doesn’t happen in your next relationship.
Start dating again.
I mean when you’re ready, but definitely do date again. Don’t allow yourself to waste years hung up on someone who isn’t coming back into your life anytime soon. If they’ve moved on, you need to too.
Take your time though. And don’t allow yourself to be pressured into dating again when you’re not ready. It’s normal to feel nervous about getting out there and meeting new people, but don’t let that hold you back from living your life and finding love again.
Remember—there are loads of people who would be lucky to date you. Your ex may have found someone, but you’ll find someone too.