How Often To Text A Girl When Things Are New?

attractive young man on his mobile phone in a coffee shop thinking about how often to text a girl

You met a girl who you really like. It’s exciting! It’s new! So naturally, you want to text her to get to know her and make plans to connect IRL. But how often to text a girl is spot on? You don’t want to come off too strongly so that you scare her away. On the other hand, you don’t want to appear too cold or flaky, and leave her thinking that you’re not interested. Oy. 

The art of texting in our modern dating society is rarely black and white and is almost always complicated. It’s true that your romantic future could be determined on how to balance this romantic high wire act – no pressure – but there’s a magic formula to how often to text a girl when things are new. Read on to learn more…

How To Know How Often To Text A Girl

Did you just meet her?

If you’ve just met, or your connection is days old, you should always touch base sooner than later. That old “wait x amount of days before you reach out” is a load of fear-based crap. If you like someone and you’re interested in getting to know her more, then text, my man, text! 

If you just met that day/night, follow up with a text before bedtime or the next day and let her know that you enjoyed meeting her and would love to meet up IRL sometime. Keeping the momentum of that initial emotional connection is key. 

Keep the texts 1:1 (or go slightly over)

It’s true: you don’t want to bombard her with a barrage of texts but you also don’t want to appear skimpy with your messages either. Too much and she’ll think you’re borderline obsessed with her. Too little, and she’ll assume you’re stringing her along. Which is why keeping the text ratio 1:1 (for every text she sends, you send her one) is reasonable. 

However, I will say this: it’s pretty common knowledge that often men don’t love texting. If men don’t think they should text something (i.e. it’s not necessary or practical info), they won’t. On the other hand, often women put far greater weight into building a text messaging rapport because they see it as creating a connection through interaction. 

So, I would argue that in the beginning of a new connection or relationship, it bodes well for the man to keep up with the 1:1 ratio and even reach a little beyond that. If you think sending a funny text is “silly” and your first reaction is not to send it, do the opposite. Send it. Chances are, she will love that you did and her connection with you will only increase. 

Consistency is important 

Consistency is crucial at the beginning of any new connection. When you are consistent with your behavior and actions, she’s able to trust that you are a man of your word and that allows the new woman in your life to feel safe and secure with you. When a woman feels safe and secure with you, she’s able to open up to you and will be more excited to let you into her world. 

Relationships take time to create, but what helps is continuously showing up. You can do this by establishing a daily rapport with her. Listen to her cues. Is she more available in the day or night? When is she more likely to respond? Initiate a conversation. Ask about her day. Find out what she’s interested in. Women want someone who will not only genuinely listen to them but who’s excited about them. Don’t play silly “hard to get” games. If you like her, let her know that. 

Texting needn’t be stressful in the beginning. What’s key for establishing a true connection is respect, authenticity and consistency. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Send that goofy text. Don’t be afraid to show how much you’re into her. By respecting a woman’s space while also demonstrating consistent behavior (and letting your true personality shine through), you will keep her engaged and ready for more messages from you.

Bear in mind, everyone is different and there’s no set timeline or guideline for working out how often to text a girl – so listen to your logic, trust your instinct and follow the feelings! 

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.

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