‘I need a girlfriend -but I don’t know where to start trying to find one.’ Does this sound like you? If you’re looking for a girlfriend and haven’t found her yet, let me first tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and you don’t need to fundamentally change who you are. You’ve probably gone on a few dates, come close to getting a girlfriend, but things have fallen apart at the last hurdle.
Maybe this has happened a few times now, and it’s damaged your confidence a little, and you just can’t work out what you’re doing wrong. If you want to stop getting friend-zoned, and you’re tired of watching all your female friends date jerks while a good guy like you remains single—this article is for you.
Thinking ‘I need a girlfriend’? Here’s what you’re doing wrong
You assume girls don’t like you
Do you often talk yourself out of approaching women? Do you find yourself thinking, “she won’t be interested,” or “she’s out of my league,” or “she probably has a boyfriend”?
How do you know that’s true if you haven’t even spoken to her? And what’s the worst that can happen if you do approach her? She politely rejects you, and the world doesn’t end even though you’re convinced it will, and you just got a little more practice talking to women.
There are so many women who actually have crushes on guys who are too shy to ever make their feelings known. So they end up moving on because they assume they’re not interested, while you’re thinking the exact same thing about her.
You’ll never know if you don’t ask. Even if you’re in a bar, and she’s with a guy already—he might be her gay best friend, or a colleague from work. So do yourself a favor, and stop counting yourself out before you’ve even given yourself a fair chance.
You lack confidence because of your inexperience.
It’s true that women love confidence in a man. But how are you supposed to feel confident when you’ve never had a proper relationship, or if it’s been a long time? And let’s face it, if you’re saying ‘I need a girlfriend’, it may have been a while.
You might worry what she’s going to say if you explain your lack of past relationships, but here’s the thing—it’s totally not a big deal. So many men and women are inexperienced when it comes to relationships. You may think you’re the only one, but trust me, you’re not.
And there are so many other ways you can feel confident about yourself and around women, even if you don’t have much experience with them. For example, you can gain confidence from your career, your dedication to working out every day, the fact that you eat healthily, or that you take pride in the way you look. Start focusing on these things, and watch your confidence shoot up.
What have you actually done to try to meet the girl of your dreams?
Newsflash: you are not going to find a girlfriend by sitting at home. Girlfriends don’t fall from the sky—it’s up to you to get on out there and start meeting people.
So what are you doing to help yourself? Are you on dating apps and websites? Have you spent time on your profile? Do you go out and socialize often, and meet new people? Have you joined a gym or sports club?
It doesn’t matter where you live or work, if you’re afraid of approaching women, if you dislike bars and clubs, or if you have a demanding career. None of these things are an excuse for not meeting new people, because technology has made it so easy for us.
The more women you meet, the more comfortable you’ll become around women, and the more you’ll know the kind of qualities that are important to you when it comes to having a girlfriend.
It’s not about settling for the first woman who shows an interest in you—it’s about taking charge and figuring out what YOU want, and going out there and getting it.
You’re hanging out with the wrong guys.
If your guy friends are overly loud and broish, or if they make fun of you for not getting any action—especially in front of other women—then you need to find new friends. Real friends wouldn’t make you feel small for your lack of experience.
It’s also important to think about who you are in your group of friends. Are you the leader, or the tag along, or the one who’s always in the background? Because women are naturally drawn to leaders. If you’re not the leader of your current circle of friends—find a new one where you’re one of the key decision makers. One where people look up to you instead of put you down.
You keep getting friend-zoned.
There’s a fine line when it comes to getting sexual with women. Go for it too soon, and she’ll think you just want some action and don’t care about her. But fail to go for it, and she might lose interest and you’ll wind up as just her friend when you were interested in something more.
Here’s the truth—it’s better to tell her how you feel and have her tell you she’s not interested, than to not go for it at all.
You don’t make any effort with your appearance.
Women use fashion as a tool to make themselves feel good, but to also attract the opposite sex. Men, you need to take a leaf out of our book. Take a little more care in your appearance. Get a haircut. Invest in some nice clothes. Look your best—because when you do, you’ll feel your best. And women will notice the difference.
Appearance isn’t everything but putting effort into how you look shows that you care enough about a woman to want to look nice for her. You don’t have to be the most fashionable guy around, but being clean and well-groomed will go a long way to showing women you know how to take care of yourself and are comfortable looking your best.
You’re too available.
Women will respect you more if you have something in your life that you care about other than them. If your main purpose in life is to get a girlfriend and so you’re always letting the women around you know that, they’ll get bored pretty quickly, because we have nothing to work for.
Make sure you keep a part of yourself for you and what you want in your life. Don’t drop everything anytime she calls, or be waiting for her messages instead of focusing on your own life.
You say too much too soon.
In the early stage of a relationship, women don’t want to feel like the man is more emotionally invested than she is. So doing things like sending way too many texts, going overboard with compliments, posting photos of the two of your on social media, or rushing to make things official can make her nervous.
She doesn’t want to feel like you’re doing all the chasing, because it can be overwhelming. So keep those emotions in check, even if you do feel yourself falling for her. And of course, once you’ve been officially together for a while, it’s great to be more emotional and send texts like “I miss you”—but not in the early stages of dating.
You’re waiting for the “perfect” woman.
Keep waiting, because she’s not coming buddy. She doesn’t exist. There’s a fine line between having high standards, and having impossible ones that no one can ever reach. Make sure you’re being realistic about what you want, and be open-minded about the women you’re with. It may be the perfect person for you is someone you wouldn’t expect.
Always remember—dating is supposed to be fun, so enjoy yourself! Follow these tips and you won’t go wrong—and with a bit of luck, you’ll never have to say ‘I need a girlfriend’ again!