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How to Approach First Date Sex

A couple's feet sticking out of the sheets after they had first date sex.

Dating is overwhelming. While it can certainly be thrilling, there are so many different scenarios to take in before you even head out on the date. Who’s going to pay tonight? If they grab dinner, should I grab post-dinner drinks? If I got the movie tickets ahead of time, what comes next? Will it just be a movie, or will we grab coffee afterward? What do I wear? How into this date are they? How into this date am I? Are we going to kiss tonight? Should I plan for a kiss or just let it happen naturally? Should I shave?  Is my house clean in case it leads to… you know?

Deciding whether or not you want to have sex on the first date is a big decision, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Here are a few tips on how to approach that decision and to ensure you are making the right choice for you and your date. 

Avoid the internet.
Many of us are susceptible to what other people are saying about any given situation. When it’s time to cast your vote, when it’s time to decide what to watch on Netflix, when it’s time to decide something as personal as when to have sex so many people have so many opinions. While the internet can be vastly helpful when it comes to some subjects, trying to read about whether or not sex on the first date is food or bad is not helpful.

The most important things when it comes to having sex—first date or not—is whether or not  a) you’re ready, b) you want to do it, and c) your partner wants to do it. Those are the only things that should matter. It’s okay to consider whether or not you’ll go for it before the date, but it’s more important to let yourself chill out and see how the date goes. You’ll know when you know—and if it’s on the first date, that’s great. If it’s not, that’s great too.

Avoid your friends’ opinions.
Friends are great for so many date-related things. Friends are perfect for helping you decide what to wear. They’re great for helping you construct that first all-important text message you send to a new date or partner. Friends are excellent at lifting you up and boosting your confidence before a first date, and they are great at consoling you if said first date is a complete bust. Friends are everything, and of course their opinions matter greatly to you. (They wouldn’t be your friends otherwise.) However, your friends’ opinions shouldn’t be the end all be all of your adventures in dating.

While friends are great for the pre-and-post date breakdown, while you’re on the date, you should focus on how you are feeling, what you want, and what your date wants. If things are going super well and both you and your date feel like heading home for a bit of romance, go for it. Don’t worry that your friend Kaitlin told you that sleeping with someone on the first date is the ultimate no-no. Check in with yourself and do what you want to do.

Consent is everything. 
If you totally feel like the date is going better than any other first date in the history of time and you want to have sex, that’s wonderful. But what does your date want? Are you getting the same vibes from them? Are you sharing in this mindset of “Best first date Ever,” or is that just a you thing? Before making a move, it’s really important to check in with your date and make sure they are on the same page. We all want to believe our instincts are spot-on, but the truth is, sometimes they’re not. If you’re ready for first date sex, great—but you really need to make sure your date is too. Before you invite them in for wine and wooing, make sure your intentions are clear. If your date does not want to have sex tonight, respect that and don’t push it. Only if you are both on the same page is it okay to proceed.

Use extra protection.
While first date sex can be super hot, even if it never goes anywhere from there, it’s important to be more cautious than you would be with a partner you know super well. Assuming this is your first date and the first time you are getting to know this person, you may not know their sexual history. If you take a birth control pill or have an IUD, it’s still a good idea to use a condom or whatever extra protection applies to your gender(s) or gender expression. Having sex with a near stranger can be great, but protecting yourself is important..

If you’re both excited and ready, let the naysaying voices and old adages fade away. Use protection and have a great time. After all, it’s your life.

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