Having Sex On The First Date: Yes, No, Maybe?


Is having sex on the first date bad? 

Society has always had unspoken rules about when it’s appropriate to have sex, and more pressingly, when it isn’t. 

Even today, many women worry that if they have sex on a first date they’ll be labeled as unmarriable. And some men are concerned that if they go all the way on date number one, it’ll seem like they’re not looking for something serious.

It’s a pretty contested issue. 

So here’s our take on whether or not it’s ok to have sex on the first date (spoiler alert, it is).

Is Having Sex on the First Date Bad? Absolutely not!

Sex can be fun

Whatever sexual activities you engage in is exclusively up to you and your partner. So if you’re both game, then why not have sex on the first date?

Having sex on date number one isn’t unusual. In fact, studies show that just over one-third of people do it!

When there’s clear enthusiastic consent between partners, sex can be amazing. After all, sex is key to a successful relationship.

Whatever worth or power you give sex is up to you, not society. 

It helps establish whether or not you have chemistry

If you’d like to take things to the next level, then don’t let outdated dating rules get in the way. 

When both parties are open to the experience, then sex on the first date can be fantastic. It’s an all-in way to test out your sexual chemistry.

But whether this head-first mentality is for you depends on how you feel about sex.

Some people want to save sex as a special something they share with a partner they’re close with, while others feel comfortable sharing this experience sooner. 

We’re not saying that the only way to test out your bond with someone is to have sex with them on night one, but if you’d like to give it a go, then that’s ok!

But is having sex on a first date necessary? No, here’s why

You might lead the other person on

If both partners are looking to have fun, hook up, and part ways, then that’s one thing. But if one is looking for something serious and the other isn’t, then that’s another story.

When it comes to having sex on the first date, make sure you’re honest about your expectations right then. 

Sure, this conversation topic may sound like a mood-killer, but it doesn’t have to be.

If it starts to look like first date sex is on the cards, say something like “Hey, I’m down with this if you are, but I just want to be clear that I’m not looking for anything serious right now”.  

You’re not being a jerk, you’re just being honest. Clearing the air like this will mitigate the risk of hurt feelings down the line.

Engaging in sex with someone under false pretenses of what it means, or could mean, is unacceptable.

Maybe it’s just not what you’re into

If having sex on the first date isn’t your vibe, then that’s fine too. 

Opting out of first date sex doesn’t mean you’re rejecting your sexuality, it just means you’re listening to yourself and your body. That’s important. 

Just like there’s a stereotype out there of the kind of person who does have sex on the first date, there’s one out there for the kind of person who doesn’t too. Neither is accurate.

Maybe you’ve got a sexual past that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with someone you’ve just met. Or you could have a history of unsatisfying one-night stands that have put you off first date sex. 

If either party has been drinking, there’s also a question surrounding their ability to consent. 

Whatever it is, any or no reason for waiting is acceptable and valid. So don’t feel embarrassed about saying no.

First date sex isn’t always great

Even if you’re super attracted to your date, your first date sex might not be fantastic. Why? Because you don’t know what the other likes in bed!

Sometimes, having great sex takes practice. If you’ve only spent one date with your partner, it’s unlikely you’ve had the time to communicate what does and doesn’t work for you.

First-time sex can leave people disappointed. This may make you more inclined to write each other off when in truth, all you guys needed was more time.

The Bottom Line

So, should you have sex on the first date? Well, it depends on how you and your partner are feeling. 

If it feels right, and if you’re open about what you’re looking for, then go for it. If not, then there’s no harm in waiting. 

What matters is that it’s something you’ve both enthusiastically consented to, not outdated societal norms. 

Demeter DeLune

Demeter is a writer and sex positive blogger who’s been practicing what she preaches for longer than she’d like to admit. She’s the friend you have to warn your other friends about and channels that into her writing. She’s given advice all over the world, but still can’t get her cats to listen.

Discover more about her on her Twitter or website.

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